Grey Skies

Today, Onomichi was grey. Plenty of charm, plenty of vibrance, plenty of colour was still to be found within the day, and the beautiful seaside town. Yet, an omnipresent veil of grey still seemed to shroud my mind.

I know that weather has a profound impact on my mood. As a result, I actively try to remain objective and simply notice this effect. But it frustrates me.

By all accounts, today went well. I filled my time with valuable moments. We’re in an absolutely gorgeous place. Although, something still feels missing. For each smile, there is equally a confused frown. Things are going well, but I feel uncertain. Like a wonderful day playing out underneath a gloomy grey dome, it seems like rain is just around the corner, ready to chase you back inside. You just don’t know when. Maybe, or perhaps it’s just cloudy, and the rain will never come after all.

When the whole sky is painted grey, it becomes hard to see the clouds move above you. They coalesce into one giant mass, blotting out the sun. It seems permanent. Set in for good. You almost want the rain to come. With it comes a little payoff. Validation. Relief. Eventually, this will pass.

I feel like recently I’ve had my eyes to the clouds, scanning. Try to pinpoint the sun. But being met only fleetingly by warm, golden rays. Then, grey again ensues. I need to trust that it will return in due time. I don’t need to wait around for it, constantly checking above. On the ground, around me, nothing has changed. Life is just as beautiful and vibrant as before. But I miss out on that if my gaze is glued to the heavens.