Deriving Personal Insight From External Frustration

Have you ever found yourself annoyed by decisions that others make? I certainly have.

For me, it reappears as one of my most destructive thoughts patterns. First, because I feel as though it was a decision I would’ve made differently. Second, because it impacts me in some way, directly or indirectly. And most importantly, I recognise that something external, completely out of my control, has frustrated me, cyclically leading to further, internal, self-directed frustration.

I’m aware that it shouldn’t get to me, yet it does. I think it’s possible to embrace these moments in a more constructive way.

I can have absolutely have preferences, but I don’t need to have an emotional stake in these preferences. Especially when a course of action isn’t under my control. Being impartial, apathetic, or without opinion isn’t the goal. What I would like to improve is how I can communicate opinion in a useful way, where emotion is detached from the outcome.

If someone makes a choice I disagree with, I want to challenge myself to go deeper. Be honest with myself. Why do I care? Why do I actually disagree? Is there an underlying insecurity?

If I feel I would’ve made a different decision, communicate this feeling from a lens of personal reflection and insight, rather than being blindly led to project criticism based on instinctive emotion.

For example, if I realise that I feel annoyed by how a friend decides to spend their money, but that I too have underlying insecurities about my own finances, make an effort to communicate the deeper realisation, rather than jumping to criticise and pigeon-hole someone else into an identity based on my own agenda and biases.

Try to catch those moments where you feel like grumbling under your breath, observe what you’re feeling emotionally, and then make an effort to search behind the curtain and use these instances to reflect on your own assumptions.